Don't get used to them

0:09 Think about the last time something really funny happened

0:12 and he wanted to tell someone about it.

0:14 Or maybe you got news that was very good.

0:16 And so, you know, that kind of thing where like the excitement

0:18 is so much until you want to share it with someone.

0:21 Think about when maybe something happened to you and there was

0:25 just something that maybe really pissed you off.

0:26 And then you had someone who you could call who just asked you

0:29 what happened and then you just ranted to them, just poured out

0:32 your heart to them, not because they necessarily had the

0:35 answers, you know, like I'm just like, I just need to offload was

0:39 on my mind. I think that's friendship,

0:42 right? The thing you just pictured,

0:45 whoever you just pictured doing those things to, having those

0:48 experiences with, I think what you have with them is a

0:51 friendship. I mean, give or take care.

0:55 I think we've gotten so used to or so familiar with the concept

1:02 of friendship. Don't forget how extraordinary

1:04 you think it is. I think that there's a person in

1:08 this world who knows you, who chooses you, who laughs with

1:11 you, who cries with you. I think that's such a beautiful

1:14 thing. I think that's a gift.

1:17 And today I want to talk about that.

1:19 Hi, welcome or welcome back to the Ted podcasts where we talk

1:25 about the Scripture in a way that's heartfelt, relatable and

1:31 hopefully leaves you loving God more than before.

1:34 And I'm happy that you're here. And you can seem bomb blushing.

1:36 Just imagine me red cheeks. Yeah.

1:39 So today's episode is not a theological juggernaut, Percy.

1:43 And honestly, that's fine, right?

1:47 I think it's something that's is so, so important.

1:50 I think it's something that was called inspired and I think it's

1:54 something that's needs to be explored.

1:56 And that's why I want to do this episode.

1:59 So. Yeah, I need you to do something

2:02 right now. I need you to just mentally slow

2:04 down. I want you to actually think.

2:07 Pause and think. OK, what is friendship all

2:10 about? Like, not casually now, but

2:13 really think about it. Think about what it means to

2:16 have someone who knows the real you, right?

2:19 Not a version, not a polished version.

2:21 You know, that kind of thing where somebody who does not

2:22 really know you will say something about it.

2:24 And you're just like, if only you knew someone who knows the

2:29 actual you, the version behind the makeup or behind the hard

2:34 guy exterior. Someone who you have inside

2:36 jokes with. I think the inside jokes are

2:38 socially necessary. Like I think 1 Hallmark on

2:40 another year were proper friends.

2:42 When I can share some inside jokes with you like we can, I

2:45 can just look at you. Maybe we both see something.

2:47 I can look at you and I'm like, you get it right?

2:50 Someone you've shared history with, someone you have memories

2:54 with. I I think it's such a beautiful

2:56 thing. I think it's such an

2:58 extraordinary thing. And again, like I said, if I

3:01 think we've gotten too familiar with friendship, I think you

3:03 might have had your friends for a while.

3:05 You might have had so many experiences that it's gotten

3:08 normal. Like it's a good thing you

3:09 appreciate it, but like it's a good normal, for lack of better

3:13 terms, you know, or maybe you've been hot before and because

3:16 that's maybe you put up walls somewhere along the way you just

3:19 stopped thinking about your friendship in like in time you

3:22 hear friendship like people are wicked things like that, blah,

3:26 blah, blah, this and that. But just think about what you

3:29 means to have your friend call you or just send you a message

3:33 at the right time. Maybe you were bored, maybe you

3:35 were down and after talking to them, maybe you laugh too hard.

3:39 I think they're laughing again. I think that's also a very, very

3:41 good aspect. Like I like to laugh, let's

3:44 laugh, say something funny or do something funny or show me

3:47 something funny. Like let's laugh physically

3:52 think about walking into a room and maybe I don't know when I

3:56 was younger, I've never forgotten this experience.

3:58 I was in primary school. I was told to kneel down.

4:01 So he's like I was behind a curtain sort of a sudden, you

4:04 know, just kneel down in my thoughts and everything.

4:06 I love you holding back. 2-3 minutes later there's another

4:09 person. I didn't even remember the

4:10 person's face. So it wasn't like this person

4:12 was necessarily a friend, but he came and nailed down beside me

4:14 and at some point I just pushed because I looked at him many

4:17 Bullock actually just smiled. So it's how even in the shaky

4:22 moments, just having someone around you just makes you feel

4:26 safe or feel better. All right, I think all that is

4:30 friendship. I'm not saying, you know, like 2

4:33 naughty boys, they need that smile and teach you that there's

4:35 no friendship. No, by I mean how that you can

4:38 send me a place where you feel uncertainty and not sure.

4:40 But once you see your friend like this, there's a kind of

4:42 peace that comes or like, OK, OK, OK, there's still like this

4:46 hope. And So what I want you to take

4:48 from this is how one of the things that makes friendship

4:53 beautiful is the one who designed it.

4:55 So let's go back to Genesis 2. God had created everything, the

4:59 heavens, the earth, everything, and he called it good.

5:04 It was a perfect world. I think sometimes we don't, we

5:06 don't dip it. How if you want to imagine a

5:08 perfect world, think of Eden like it was the state of

5:12 perfection. And in the middle of all of that

5:14 perfection, God looks at Eden and he says it is not good for

5:19 you to be alone. And I know you're probably

5:22 thinking, is this about marriage?

5:23 No, but he created Eve. And if you want to think about

5:28 it deeply, marriage is at its core, it's it's friendship

5:31 between two people. I know there are sprinkles of

5:33 romance here and there, but and it's called the best marriage is

5:36 1 where the two people, man and woman, I think I need to

5:40 emphasize that man and woman, the man and woman are friends.

5:45 Like marriage is 2 people who are deeply, intimately,

5:47 vulnerably friends. At least it begins there and

5:50 it's built from there. And so I think the principle

5:53 that God was trying to establish in Genesis goes far beyond

5:57 marriage because not everyone get married.

5:59 There's that. And for those who do get

6:01 married, you spend decades of your life, maybe 2 decades, 3

6:03 decades, which 1 1/2 decades before a spouse enters into the

6:07 picture. And even within marriage, like a

6:10 spouse cannot be the only friend or relationship that you have.

6:13 If that's the case, you're going to run that person dry.

6:16 So point is, God did not design us to be alone.

6:19 God puts in us a desire and intense for companionship where

6:24 social creatures essentially were not made to do life alone.

6:28 And I think if you've been doing life alone, if you've been maybe

6:31 in isolation, whether subtly or largely, I think I won't say

6:35 that's deep down there's probably a feeling or it wants

6:38 to not be alone and it's not weakness like sometimes we look

6:41 at it as weakness, but really it's not weakness.

6:43 Maybe it's a result of hurts amount say I'm sorry, I don't

6:46 know the into cases of what might have happened, but I don't

6:50 think it's God's design. No, I don't think it is not

6:54 God's design right, but I think I'll see say something about the

6:58 later. But I think I also want to like

7:01 talk about what friendship can be.

7:02 I think sometimes why you might also not rate of value or think

7:06 about friendship as much as maybe because we've not realized

7:09 what a friendship can be. I think for a lot of us, myself,

7:12 inclusive for a long time, I saw friendship as this surface level

7:16 thing and I think I, I've come to realize that it's not even

7:19 the same for everybody. Some people like from the

7:21 beginning, they took friendship are such a serious thing.

7:23 I'm like, wow, how was I doing in my life?

7:27 You know, I, I knew someone. I don't think I knew few people

7:30 that love like her. Like I, I got to see her love

7:33 her friends. I got to know some of the things

7:34 that she did for her friends, right?

7:36 And I'm just like, I think you love in such a pure way.

7:39 It was, it was envious, like I wanted this kind of thing.

7:42 I also wanted to be that kind of friend, but immediately I

7:45 wasn't. I mean, meeting her of course

7:48 pushed me to do better in that regard.

7:50 Like, oh, I want to be a better friend.

7:51 I want to be a better person altogether.

7:52 I want to love people better. But I think I think there was

7:56 something to take from that. How?

7:58 Like, friendship is not the surface level thing.

8:00 Of course a friend is someone that you can hang out with,

8:01 someone who you can text when you're bored, someone who you

8:03 can call, who you can send the funny reels to.

8:06 There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's necessary.

8:11 I didn't, I didn't really say this on a boat.

8:13 If if I cannot have fun with you, I don't think I can be

8:15 friends with you. You can be as you know, fervent

8:18 as possible, tongue speaking and everything, but if we cannot

8:22 have fun, I don't know. I don't know.

8:24 It's like there'll be some commas here and there, right?

8:27 But your friend is not just someone you can do this things

8:30 with. Your friend is someone that you

8:31 can grow with. I think someone who you can look

8:36 at their life and it can push you to want to be better or it

8:39 can help you to do better. Someone who celebrate who you

8:42 are, right, but who also can help you to become better.

8:46 Someone who sees maybe the potential that even you might

8:48 not see in yourself as like, I think you could do this.

8:51 I think you could do that maybe in moments where you don't even

8:53 have the confidence to put yourself, a friend could be that

8:56 person that helps you to become. If you remember the episode of

9:00 becoming, I don't know if you listen to that episode, if you

9:02 haven't, you should check it out.

9:03 But I think in the process of becoming, and I think your

9:06 friend is crucial in that process.

9:09 I just think about those friends that you have who maybe you

9:12 could talk to them. And after you finish talking to

9:14 them, you feel more alive, you feel motivated, you feel

9:18 anchored. I don't know what better term to

9:21 use, but it's just like there's life.

9:22 Like after I finished talking to this person, maybe everything

9:24 was just looking mere bleak, hopeless.

9:28 Talk to this person and all of a sudden there's hope.

9:30 There's a reason to live. Like I, I, I genuinely think

9:34 that friendships are a preventive measure to depression

9:38 in some cases. I'm not saying, I'm not saying

9:40 this is a one off solution to everybody or anybody who is

9:43 depressed does not have friends. I'm not saying that.

9:45 But I think for some people, right?

9:46 Like what might prevent them from stepping to depression or

9:49 what might have kept them from depression is the friends that

9:51 they have in their life. I think a real friend is also

9:55 someone who you can be vulnerable with.

9:58 And I think this is where you get a bit risky.

10:00 For so long I've been the hard guy person.

10:02 I used to pride myself in being this hard guy, tough exterior

10:06 and everything like vulnerability was that what do

10:09 you by opening up? I rather just call you bigot and

10:11 move on. You know, make a joke out.

10:13 Like I think there's something particularly I don't might be

10:16 listening to this might not be Nigerian, but one thing that

10:19 night a lot of Nigerians do very well is make jokes out of the

10:23 most serious situations. Like I don't know, sometimes I

10:27 think it's genetic because sometimes when you know, maybe I

10:30 was in the I did something wrong.

10:32 I was in the very, very serious coversing of my pops and all of

10:35 a sudden I'm struggling the urge to laugh or I might be pouring

10:40 out or talking about my trauma to somebody and all of a sudden

10:43 I crack on joke about it. I'm like, this is a bad habits,

10:46 like it's a oh gosh, I I really hope that you get it.

10:50 I really hope that you can relatable.

10:52 There's just that thing, right? Like instead of us being

10:53 vulnerable and for some of you, it's even a thing where you

10:56 chose to be vulnerable for and there was some backlash that

10:59 came with it or there was some negative effect that came with

11:02 it. Maybe you shared something in

11:03 confidence, I don't know. So you laughing that you shared

11:05 in confidence, that person is sharing his confidently with

11:08 other people will be like, you know, or maybe someone laughed

11:12 when you needed comfort, right? Maybe the person not even know

11:15 that they hurt you, but they hurt you or maybe someone made

11:18 you feel foolish for letting them know something that was up

11:23 with you. I think that's the one that like

11:25 I've had some people in my life that I'm just like, I came to

11:29 just tell you something isn't even like I just wanted to, you

11:31 know, share this with you. And then your reaction just just

11:35 made me feel very dumb, very foolish.

11:36 I'll pack my buzz and I'll go to where there's love for me.

11:39 Even if you had good intention, I think there should be some

11:41 tasks that comes with it bore. I think I was telling some of

11:45 these. I think the furnace of

11:47 friendship, right? The the beauty of the whole

11:50 thing cannot be experienced without vulnerability.

11:53 I think your friendships or your relationships generally will be

11:57 capped by how vulnerable you can be.

12:02 Like if you only ever show people the curated version of

12:05 yourself or the version of yourself that already has

12:09 everything put together. If you can ever show them the

12:12 version that is currently in the works, that is currently

12:15 undergoing construction and you only show them the finished

12:17 works. You might have people around,

12:20 but the quality of the connection that you might have

12:22 with them wouldn't really be lost and or something strong.

12:28 Real friendship requires the real you.

12:30 It requires the riskiest, but then there's also the reward.

12:33 So drop the hard guy exterior. Like there is nothing like I

12:36 look back in time and I'm just like, why was I like this?

12:38 Thank God for God bringing some people into my life.

12:40 This whole hard guy, whatever. There's nothing fresh about it.

12:43 Don't, don't anybody deceive you.

12:44 There's nothing fresh about being a hard guy or a hard girl.

12:47 I've I've been there and I'm just like, no, this is not the

12:49 way, you know, I mean to be vulnerable to everybody.

12:52 I think that goes without saying.

12:53 Wisdom matters, right? No, and not even like sometimes

12:56 people also need to earn it. Not not sometimes people need to

12:59 earn it as well. So I will say it's find your

13:02 people and actually let them know you right.

13:04 So maybe you've been hurt before.

13:06 I really hope that you listen to this.

13:08 I really pray to God that you find the strength right.

13:11 Paul says I can't do anything through Christ who strengthens

13:13 me. Kind of busy, kind of bound to

13:15 even in tough situations, right? Like maybe going through a

13:17 friendship hurts. I pray that God grants you the

13:20 strength to go ahead again and give friendship another try,

13:24 right? But yeah, keep being consistent,

13:26 keep showing up, right? And so the final thing I think I

13:29 want to address is how friendship for the Christian is

13:33 spiritual, is deeply and meaningfully spiritual.

13:37 Yes, we have our quiet and we have our personal devotion with

13:40 God, and all of that is essential.

13:42 Let me make it sound spooky. There's a dimension of knowing

13:45 God that is only unlocked in community.

13:48 There are things about who God is that you only discover

13:51 through the people here, space around you.

13:53 I don't think anybody has ever journeyed far with God that has

13:56 not had a community. First and first look through the

13:59 scripture and looking at all the great people like if you read up

14:01 on and maybe famous people who did awesome things for God in

14:05 history. Nobody, nobody ever did it on

14:08 their own. There's so many verses.

14:10 You know, you might have seen Proverbs 2717, I am sharp and

14:13 Zion, things like that. The Bible just hints to how

14:16 having people around you does better for you.

14:17 Think about David and Jonathan like that's the prime example.

14:21 And I think I want to talk about something.

14:23 I think a lot of times people in friendships are chasing like

14:25 this 5050 thing, like, you know, a goosey for a goosey kind of

14:28 stuff. And I think it's nice.

14:29 I think I understand it, but I do also want to hammer that

14:33 sometimes you will not always get like equal value in

14:36 friendships. And I don't think it's bad.

14:38 Like I don't think it always has to be a thing where it's 5050.

14:42 Like sometimes in some seasons, some friendships, you pour more

14:45 than the other person will pour. And in some cases they will pour

14:48 more than you will pour. And it's, it's fine.

14:50 It doesn't always have to be. Again, I'm not saying being a

14:53 toxic relationship or in a relationship where it's not the

14:56 love is not reciprocated. I'm not saying that, but

14:58 sometimes it's not going to be like 5050.

15:01 I, I look at the story of David and Jonathan now, and I

15:04 generally think that Jonathan had more of an impact in David's

15:07 life that David had in Jonathan's life.

15:09 Fine, I know David eventually was able to help Jonathan's son

15:12 Mephi Bushes. That's a mouthful.

15:15 And I know David was able to help Jonathan's son when

15:16 Jonathan had already passed away.

15:18 But in terms of like just David and Jonathan, right?

15:20 Like it's a thing where if we're trying to like maybe weigh them,

15:23 right, Jonathan did so much for David, like his father was

15:25 literally trying to kill David and Jonathan showed up for him.

15:28 Jonathan helped point him back to God, helped him find strength

15:31 in God. What did David do compared to

15:35 that? I don't think it was necessarily

15:37 an equal symbol. Circumstances made it like that.

15:40 And I don't think there has to be a problem with that.

15:43 I think sometimes we just need to because I think if we just

15:47 put more effort into just being good friends, like whoever just

15:50 did that instead of trying to gauge, again, like I said, I

15:52 know sometimes it's tiring. I think there's also a level to

15:55 get to where it's like, OK, you know what, this person is not

15:58 giving me as much effort. So I think I'm just going to

16:00 turn away. But all together, it doesn't

16:02 always have to be like that. And friends are people that you

16:05 can pray with. Friends are people you can study

16:07 the word of God with. I remember the first time I I

16:10 joined the church and in that church, you know, that was where

16:12 I first got into that people actually prayed together as

16:14 friends. Like again, I had friends that

16:16 were believers Bo most of them when we prayed, it was the thing

16:18 where maybe we went for a program or we're in a meeting.

16:20 So we would pray there Bo aside that I had my personal prayer

16:23 time. I expect that you have your

16:24 personal prior time, but as per oh, let's get on you call me and

16:27 you and let's pray. I was like, so people do that,

16:30 right? And it was weird.

16:31 It was weird trying out the first time.

16:33 But now that I look at it like I think it has been one of the

16:36 structures for keeping my devotional life in some of the

16:38 toughest seasons. There's some of these way I I

16:41 don't want to pray. I'm tired, right?

16:43 But then I've already scheduled a prayer call with a friend.

16:47 And so we get it done. Sometimes I might be having bib

16:50 study with someone and I know there'll be sometimes where I

16:52 might maybe feel sleepy on the call, right?

16:55 But I mean, I'm human, right? But all, you know, it helps me,

16:58 right? So friends are people that you

16:59 can pursue purpose with, right? Hebrews 10 verse 24 tells us,

17:04 you know, consider one another spoiler down to good works and

17:07 things like that. You cannot fulfill that

17:09 instruction without being with people, right?

17:12 So point is, friends can be a tool for your sanctification.

17:17 They can breathe life into your work with God.

17:19 And This is why isolation is a red flag, not just emotionally,

17:21 but spiritually. Like it's a red flag when zebras

17:25 move together as their head and all that.

17:26 There's a kind of mirage that's formed or something.

17:28 If I'm lying, I want to get to zebra.

17:30 It becomes difficult for me to pick one.

17:32 I might try to attack when I end up, you know, maybe hitting the

17:34 legs and stuff, maybe my targeted zone or something like

17:37 that. That's why zebras move together.

17:40 If one walks on their own, they become easy pre same way how as

17:45 human means do how God created us like literally from what

17:48 happened to the man that Paul told the church to the

17:52 Corinthian church to separate like first Corinthians 5.

17:54 There was a man who did something wrong.

17:56 Paul told him to take the man out of their congregation.

17:58 He was indirectly he was saying that taking him out of the

18:01 church is indirectly giving him up to sit and like being away

18:04 from communities putting yourself in a danger zone.

18:08 So please, again, I know there might have been some hurt and

18:10 things like that, but give friendships a try.

18:14 And maybe if you already have friends, take them seriously,

18:17 Cherish them so much, right? So let me just bring this home.

18:20 I'm genuinely and deeply grateful for my friends.

18:23 I think about people in my life who have seen me, who know me,

18:26 who still choose me. Something like you choose me.

18:28 Wow. Then I don't think I say thank

18:30 you enough. This is me saying thank you.

18:32 How much? I'm going to send this to them.

18:34 I think you should also like show gratitude to your friends.

18:37 Be vocal about your love for them, right?

18:39 Let them know that you love them, right?

18:41 Let them know that you appreciate them.

18:42 Let them know that you value what they bring to your life.

18:46 Like, oh, practice. So you know, I'm, I've not

18:49 spoken about, I've missed speaking with you.

18:51 I, I've enjoyed speaking with you.

18:53 And I know there's one part of it.

18:54 I was like, how can a hard guy like me do this?

18:58 And genuinely, again, I get to so much like sometimes can't,

19:01 can't I just say something funny or can't I just say the meme?

19:04 But truth is, you can do both. Celebrate your friends when they

19:08 have when support them. Maybe they're doing something,

19:10 they have a new initiative. Like you just have to support

19:14 them. If you cannot show up.

19:15 I remember there was a friend of mine who had this program.

19:18 I couldn't show up. I was supposed to, but

19:20 eventually I couldn't show up on the program.

19:21 So what I could do was, you know what, I don't think I was

19:25 financially bored at that time, but she had to make sacrifice.

19:27 And then it took some of the money out that I'd save for

19:29 something else. And then I just sent it right,

19:31 like to her like, OK, no, just know that I am definitely

19:35 supporting you, even if I can't be here, right?

19:38 And I think is tell them the truth.

19:39 Tell them the truth. I was talking with someone and I

19:41 was about to tell them something that they did wrong, but I

19:43 pause. I was like, I hope this will not

19:45 make them feel bad, but I realized that a good friendship

19:48 will overcome such things or we'll yeah, we'll overcome such

19:52 things or we'll live through such things.

19:54 Like if you really can't tell them the truth, again, they're

19:57 stuck to that somebody just saying just blast over us talk

19:59 anyhow. But if you really cannot tell

20:01 them truth, then is it really a friendship if you really cannot

20:04 be truthful with them? And finally, I think documents,

20:08 right? Like keep memories.

20:09 I think this one is something that someone might look at.

20:12 Well, I think it's so important, right?

20:15 Like take pictures. Save the voice notes, screenshot

20:19 the funny conversations, send views, Tiktok videos like if

20:23 there's distance, I mean, distance can be close call of

20:26 technology now rights close all that.

20:28 I think you find out now it says that in terms of this whole

20:30 thing of Christian friendships and work notes is how there

20:34 seems to be a kind of minded how I have my friends who I can have

20:39 fun with and then I have my Christian friends.

20:41 I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I know a lot

20:44 of us have probably gone through that or probably face that's

20:47 where it's like, I have friends. These are my genuine friends.

20:49 I vibe with them, have fun with them.

20:51 Both. I don't know, maybe I'm not

20:53 really growing in my work with God.

20:55 I don't see any impacts in my work with God in being with

20:58 these people. And then I have these other

20:59 friends. I think they love God, they

21:00 pray, they do the Bible study and everything.

21:03 Both. I don't really vibe with them.

21:05 I want you that it's possible for you to have a person or have

21:08 friends who are both, right? I think you should also strive

21:11 to be a friend that's like that. I think you can be normal.

21:15 You can, you know, be fun. You can be expressive while also

21:20 being filled with the Spirit while also being fervent.

21:23 I don't think it has to be a this or that kind of thing.

21:25 I won't tell you to stay with someone who doesn't push you

21:29 closer to God or someone who you cannot run to for spiritual help

21:33 or spiritual advice. I won't tell you to be close

21:35 friends with someone like that. But I won't also say you should

21:37 just settle someone who you just pray with and don't have an

21:40 actual friendship with. No, right, like actually explore

21:44 fun things that you can do with such people.

21:46 And maybe if maybe if you're in the phase of your life where you

21:49 don't have any of this, right, you're genuinely trusting God

21:52 for his peace, continue to pray, right?

21:54 I've been there. I think sometimes I still think

21:56 about it. I'm like, yeah, God really is

21:58 good. I've seen him answer those

22:00 prayers. You can genuinely trust God for

22:02 good friends, right? You can pray to God, you can

22:04 talk to him about it. And I genuinely believe that he

22:06 he will hear you or he hears you and he will answer you, right?

22:10 So that's a wrap. Thank you for listening to this

22:13 episode. If this one meant something to

22:16 you, I hope it did send it to a friend, right?

22:20 I hope this episode made you grateful for your friends and

22:22 I'm good for mine. Or maybe you're thinking of

22:24 shooting a friendship shots with someone in a case as a stylish.

22:27 You're like, oh, I was thinking about you when I saw this

22:30 episode. Like send it to them.

22:31 I'd let it be something that starts a real conversation.

22:34 So yeah, bye for now. And as always, stay with it.