Don't get used to them
We get so used to the people we love that we forget to marvel at them. In this episode, I slow down and talk about friendship; what it really is, why God designed us for it, and why we can't afford to let familiarity turn into ingratitude.
Think about the last time something really funny happened and he wanted to tell someone about it. Or maybe you got news that was very good. And so, you know, that kind of thing where like the excitement is so much until you want to share it with someone. Think about when maybe something happened to you and there was just something that maybe really pissed you off. And then you had someone who you could call who just asked you what happened and then you just ranted to them, just poured out your heart to them, not because they necessarily had the answers, you know, like I'm just like, I just need to offload was on my mind.
I think that's friendship, right? The thing you just pictured, whoever you just pictured doing those things to, having those experiences with, I think what you have with them is a friendship. I mean, give or take care. I think we've gotten so used to or so familiar with the concept of friendship. Don't forget how extraordinary you think it is. I think that there's a person in this world who knows you, who chooses you, who laughs with you, who cries with you. I think that's such a beautiful thing.
I think that's a gift. And today I want to talk about that. Hi, welcome or welcome back to the Ted podcasts where we talk about the Scripture in a way that's heartfelt, relatable and hopefully leaves you loving God more than before. And I'm happy that you're here. And you can seem bomb blushing. Just imagine me red cheeks. Yeah. So today's episode is not a theological juggernaut, Percy. And honestly, that's fine, right? I think it's something that's is so, so important. I think it's something that was called inspired and I think it's something that's needs to be explored.
And that's why I want to do this episode. So. Yeah, I need you to do something right now. I need you to just mentally slow down. I want you to actually think. Pause and think. OK, what is friendship all about? Like, not casually now, but really think about it. Think about what it means to have someone who knows the real you, right? Not a version, not a polished version. You know, that kind of thing where somebody who does not really know you will say something about it. And you're just like, if only you knew someone who knows the actual you, the version behind the makeup or behind the hard guy exterior.
Someone who you have inside jokes with. I think the inside jokes are socially necessary. Like I think 1 Hallmark on another year were proper friends. When I can share some inside jokes with you like we can, I can just look at you. Maybe we both see something. I can look at you and I'm like, you get it right? Someone you've shared history with, someone you have memories with. I I think it's such a beautiful thing. I think it's such an extraordinary thing. And again, like I said, if I think we've gotten too familiar with friendship, I think you might have had your friends for a while.
You might have had so many experiences that it's gotten normal. Like it's a good thing you appreciate it, but like it's a good normal, for lack of better terms, you know, or maybe you've been hot before and because that's maybe you put up walls somewhere along the way you just stopped thinking about your friendship in like in time you hear friendship like people are wicked things like that, blah, blah, blah, this and that. But just think about what you means to have your friend call you or just send you a message at the right time.
Maybe you were bored, maybe you were down and after talking to them, maybe you laugh too hard. I think they're laughing again. I think that's also a very, very good aspect. Like I like to laugh, let's laugh, say something funny or do something funny or show me something funny. Like let's laugh physically
think about walking into a room and maybe I don't know when I was younger, I've never forgotten this experience. I was in primary school. I was told to kneel down. So he's like I was behind a curtain sort of a sudden, you know, just kneel down in my thoughts and everything. I love you holding back. 2-3 minutes later there's another person. I didn't even remember the person's face. So it wasn't like this person was necessarily a friend, but he came and nailed down beside me and at some point I just pushed because I looked at him many Bullock actually just smiled.
So it's how even in the shaky moments, just having someone around you just makes you feel safe or feel better. All right, I think all that is friendship. I'm not saying, you know, like 2 naughty boys, they need that smile and teach you that there's no friendship. No, by I mean how that you can send me a place where you feel uncertainty and not sure. But once you see your friend like this, there's a kind of peace that comes or like, OK, OK, OK, there's still like this hope. And So what I want you to take from this is how one of the things that makes friendship beautiful is the one who designed it.
So let's go back to Genesis 2. God had created everything, the heavens, the earth, everything, and he called it good. It was a perfect world. I think sometimes we don't, we don't dip it. How if you want to imagine a perfect world, think of Eden like it was the state of perfection. And in the middle of all of that perfection, God looks at Eden and he says it is not good for you to be alone. And I know you're probably thinking, is this about marriage? No, but he created Eve. And if you want to think about it deeply, marriage is at its core, it's it's friendship between two people.
I know there are sprinkles of romance here and there, but and it's called the best marriage is 1 where the two people, man and woman, I think I need to emphasize that man and woman, the man and woman are friends. Like marriage is 2 people who are deeply, intimately, vulnerably friends. At least it begins there and it's built from there. And so I think the principle that God was trying to establish in Genesis goes far beyond marriage because not everyone get married. There's that. And for those who do get married, you spend decades of your life, maybe 2 decades, 3 decades, which 1 1/2 decades before a spouse enters into the picture.
And even within marriage, like a spouse cannot be the only friend or relationship that you have. If that's the case, you're going to run that person dry. So point is, God did not design us to be alone. God puts in us a desire and intense for companionship where social creatures essentially were not made to do life alone. And I think if you've been doing life alone, if you've been maybe in isolation, whether subtly or largely, I think I won't say that's deep down there's probably a feeling or it wants to not be alone and it's not weakness like sometimes we look at it as weakness, but really it's not weakness.
Maybe it's a result of hurts amount say I'm sorry, I don't know the into cases of what might have happened, but I don't think it's God's design. No, I don't think it is not God's design right, but I think I'll see say something about the later. But I think I also want to like talk about what friendship can be. I think sometimes why you might also not rate of value or think about friendship as much as maybe because we've not realized what a friendship can be. I think for a lot of us, myself, inclusive for a long time, I saw friendship as this surface level thing and I think I, I've come to realize that it's not even the same for everybody.
Some people like from the beginning, they took friendship are such a serious thing. I'm like, wow, how was I doing in my life? You know, I, I knew someone. I don't think I knew few people that love like her. Like I, I got to see her love her friends. I got to know some of the things that she did for her friends, right? And I'm just like, I think you love in such a pure way. It was, it was envious, like I wanted this kind of thing. I also wanted to be that kind of friend, but immediately I wasn't.
I mean, meeting her of course pushed me to do better in that regard. Like, oh, I want to be a better friend. I want to be a better person altogether. I want to love people better. But I think I think there was something to take from that. How? Like, friendship is not the surface level thing. Of course a friend is someone that you can hang out with, someone who you can text when you're bored, someone who you can call, who you can send the funny reels to. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's necessary.
I didn't, I didn't really say this on a boat. If if I cannot have fun with you, I don't think I can be friends with you. You can be as you know, fervent as possible, tongue speaking and everything, but if we cannot have fun, I don't know. I don't know. It's like there'll be some commas here and there, right? But your friend is not just someone you can do this things with. Your friend is someone that you can grow with. I think someone who you can look at their life and it can push you to want to be better or it can help you to do better.
Someone who celebrate who you are, right, but who also can help you to become better. Someone who sees maybe the potential that even you might not see in yourself as like, I think you could do this. I think you could do that maybe in moments where you don't even have the confidence to put yourself, a friend could be that person that helps you to become. If you remember the episode of becoming, I don't know if you listen to that episode, if you haven't, you should check it out. But I think in the process of becoming, and I think your friend is crucial in that process.
I just think about those friends that you have who maybe you could talk to them. And after you finish talking to them, you feel more alive, you feel motivated, you feel
anchored. I don't know what better term to use, but it's just like there's life. Like after I finished talking to this person, maybe everything was just looking mere bleak, hopeless. Talk to this person and all of a sudden there's hope. There's a reason to live. Like I, I, I genuinely think that friendships are a preventive measure to depression in some cases. I'm not saying, I'm not saying this is a one off solution to everybody or anybody who is depressed does not have friends. I'm not saying that.
But I think for some people, right? Like what might prevent them from stepping to depression or what might have kept them from depression is the friends that they have in their life. I think a real friend is also someone who you can be vulnerable with. And I think this is where you get a bit risky. For so long I've been the hard guy person. I used to pride myself in being this hard guy, tough exterior and everything like vulnerability was that what do you by opening up? I rather just call you bigot and move on.
You know, make a joke out. Like I think there's something particularly I don't might be listening to this might not be Nigerian, but one thing that night a lot of Nigerians do very well is make jokes out of the most serious situations. Like I don't know, sometimes I think it's genetic because sometimes when you know, maybe I was in the I did something wrong. I was in the very, very serious coversing of my pops and all of a sudden I'm struggling the urge to laugh or I might be pouring out or talking about my trauma to somebody and all of a sudden I crack on joke about it.
I'm like, this is a bad habits, like it's a oh gosh, I I really hope that you get it. I really hope that you can relatable. There's just that thing, right? Like instead of us being vulnerable and for some of you, it's even a thing where you chose to be vulnerable for and there was some backlash that came with it or there was some negative effect that came with it. Maybe you shared something in confidence, I don't know. So you laughing that you shared in confidence, that person is sharing his confidently with other people will be like, you know, or maybe someone laughed when you needed comfort, right?
Maybe the person not even know that they hurt you, but they hurt you or maybe someone made you feel foolish for letting them know something that was up with you. I think that's the one that like I've had some people in my life that I'm just like, I came to just tell you something isn't even like I just wanted to, you know, share this with you. And then your reaction just just made me feel very dumb, very foolish. I'll pack my buzz and I'll go to where there's love for me. Even if you had good intention, I think there should be some tasks that comes with it bore.
I think I was telling some of these. I think the furnace of friendship, right? The the beauty of the whole thing cannot be experienced without vulnerability. I think your friendships or your relationships generally will be capped by how vulnerable you can be.
Like if you only ever show people the curated version of yourself or the version of yourself that already has everything put together. If you can ever show them the version that is currently in the works, that is currently undergoing construction and you only show them the finished works. You might have people around, but the quality of the connection that you might have with them wouldn't really be lost and or something strong. Real friendship requires the real you. It requires the riskiest, but then there's also the reward.
So drop the hard guy exterior. Like there is nothing like I look back in time and I'm just like, why was I like this? Thank God for God bringing some people into my life. This whole hard guy, whatever. There's nothing fresh about it. Don't, don't anybody deceive you. There's nothing fresh about being a hard guy or a hard girl. I've I've been there and I'm just like, no, this is not the way, you know, I mean to be vulnerable to everybody. I think that goes without saying. Wisdom matters, right? No, and not even like sometimes people also need to earn it.
Not not sometimes people need to earn it as well. So I will say it's find your people and actually let them know you right. So maybe you've been hurt before. I really hope that you listen to this. I really pray to God that you find the strength right. Paul says I can't do anything through Christ who strengthens me. Kind of busy, kind of bound to even in tough situations, right? Like maybe going through a friendship hurts. I pray that God grants you the strength to go ahead again and give friendship another try, right?
But yeah, keep being consistent, keep showing up, right? And so the final thing I think I want to address is how friendship for the Christian is spiritual, is deeply and meaningfully spiritual. Yes, we have our quiet and we have our personal devotion with God, and all of that is essential. Let me make it sound spooky. There's a dimension of knowing God that is only unlocked in community. There are things about who God is that you only discover through the people here, space around you. I don't think anybody has ever journeyed far with God that has not had a community.
First and first look through the scripture and looking at all the great people like if you read up on and maybe famous people who did awesome things for God in history. Nobody, nobody ever did it on their own. There's so many verses. You know, you might have seen Proverbs 2717, I am sharp and Zion, things like that. The Bible just hints to how having people around you does better for you. Think about David and Jonathan like that's the prime example. And I think I want to talk about something. I think a lot of times people in friendships are chasing like this 5050 thing, like, you know, a goosey for a goosey kind of stuff.
And I think it's nice. I think I understand it, but I do also want to hammer that sometimes you will not always get like equal value in friendships. And I don't think it's bad. Like I don't think it always has to be a thing where it's 5050. Like sometimes in some seasons, some friendships, you pour more than the other person will pour. And in some cases they will pour more than you will pour. And it's, it's fine. It doesn't always have to be. Again, I'm not saying being a toxic relationship or in a relationship where it's not the love is not reciprocated.
I'm not saying that, but sometimes it's not going to be like 5050. I, I look at the story of David and Jonathan now, and I generally think that Jonathan had more of an impact in David's life that David had in Jonathan's life. Fine, I know David eventually was able to help Jonathan's son Mephi Bushes. That's a mouthful. And I know David was able to help Jonathan's son when Jonathan had already passed away. But in terms of like just David and Jonathan, right? Like it's a thing where if we're trying to like maybe weigh them, right, Jonathan did so much for David, like his father was literally trying to kill David and Jonathan showed up for him.
Jonathan helped point him back to God, helped him find strength in God. What did David do compared to that? I don't think it was necessarily an equal symbol. Circumstances made it like that. And I don't think there has to be a problem with that. I think sometimes we just need to because I think if we just put more effort into just being good friends, like whoever just did that instead of trying to gauge, again, like I said, I know sometimes it's tiring. I think there's also a level to get to where it's like, OK, you know what, this person is not giving me as much effort.
So I think I'm just going to turn away. But all together, it doesn't always have to be like that. And friends are people that you can pray with. Friends are people you can study the word of God with. I remember the first time I I joined the church and in that church, you know, that was where I first got into that people actually prayed together as friends. Like again, I had friends that were believers Bo most of them when we prayed, it was the thing where maybe we went for a program or we're in a meeting.
So we would pray there Bo aside that I had my personal prayer time. I expect that you have your personal prior time, but as per oh, let's get on you call me and you and let's pray. I was like, so people do that, right? And it was weird. It was weird trying out the first time. But now that I look at it like I think it has been one of the structures for keeping my devotional life in some of the toughest seasons. There's some of these way I I don't want to pray. I'm tired, right? But then I've already scheduled a prayer call with a friend.
And so we get it done. Sometimes I might be having bib study with someone and I know there'll be sometimes where I might maybe feel sleepy on the call, right? But I mean, I'm human, right? But all, you know, it helps me, right? So friends are people that you can pursue purpose with, right? Hebrews 10 verse 24 tells us, you know, consider one another spoiler down to good works and things like that. You cannot fulfill that instruction without being with people, right? So point is, friends can be a tool for your sanctification.
They can breathe life into your work with God. And This is why isolation is a red flag, not just emotionally, but spiritually. Like it's a red flag when zebras move together as their head and all that. There's a kind of mirage that's formed or something. If I'm lying, I want to get to zebra. It becomes difficult for me to pick one. I might try to attack when I end up, you know, maybe hitting the legs and stuff, maybe my targeted zone or something like that. That's why zebras move together. If one walks on their own, they become easy pre same way how as human means do how God created us like literally from what happened to the man that Paul told the church to the Corinthian church to separate like first Corinthians 5.
There was a man who did something wrong. Paul told him to take the man out of their congregation. He was indirectly he was saying that taking him out of the church is indirectly giving him up to sit and like being away from communities putting yourself in a danger zone. So please, again, I know there might have been some hurt and things like that, but give friendships a try. And maybe if you already have friends, take them seriously, Cherish them so much, right? So let me just bring this home. I'm genuinely and deeply grateful for my friends.
I think about people in my life who have seen me, who know me, who still choose me. Something like you choose me. Wow. Then I don't think I say thank you enough. This is me saying thank you. How much? I'm going to send this to them. I think you should also like show gratitude to your friends. Be vocal about your love for them, right? Let them know that you love them, right? Let them know that you appreciate them. Let them know that you value what they bring to your life. Like, oh, practice. So you know, I'm, I've not spoken about, I've missed speaking with you.
I, I've enjoyed speaking with you. And I know there's one part of it. I was like, how can a hard guy like me do this? And genuinely, again, I get to so much like sometimes can't, can't I just say something funny or can't I just say the meme? But truth is, you can do both. Celebrate your friends when they have when support them. Maybe they're doing something, they have a new initiative. Like you just have to support them. If you cannot show up. I remember there was a friend of mine who had this program.
I couldn't show up. I was supposed to, but eventually I couldn't show up on the program. So what I could do was, you know what, I don't think I was financially bored at that time, but she had to make sacrifice. And then it took some of the money out that I'd save for something else. And then I just sent it right, like to her like, OK, no, just know that I am definitely supporting you, even if I can't be here, right? And I think is tell them the truth. Tell them the truth. I was talking with someone and I was about to tell them something that they did wrong, but I pause.
I was like, I hope this will not make them feel bad, but I realized that a good friendship will overcome such things or we'll yeah, we'll overcome such things or we'll live through such things. Like if you really can't tell them the truth, again, they're stuck to that somebody just saying just blast over us talk anyhow. But if you really cannot tell them truth, then is it really a friendship if you really cannot be truthful with them? And finally, I think documents, right? Like keep memories. I think this one is something that someone might look at.
Well, I think it's so important, right? Like take pictures. Save the voice notes, screenshot the funny conversations, send views, Tiktok videos like if there's distance, I mean, distance can be close call of technology now rights close all that. I think you find out now it says that in terms of this whole thing of Christian friendships and work notes is how there seems to be a kind of minded how I have my friends who I can have fun with and then I have my Christian friends. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I know a lot of us have probably gone through that or probably face that's where it's like, I have friends.
These are my genuine friends. I vibe with them, have fun with them. Both. I don't know, maybe I'm not really growing in my work with God. I don't see any impacts in my work with God in being with these people. And then I have these other friends. I think they love God, they pray, they do the Bible study and everything. Both. I don't really vibe with them. I want you that it's possible for you to have a person or have friends who are both, right? I think you should also strive to be a friend that's like that.
I think you can be normal. You can, you know, be fun. You can be expressive while also being filled with the Spirit while also being fervent. I don't think it has to be a this or that kind of thing. I won't tell you to stay with someone who doesn't push you closer to God or someone who you cannot run to for spiritual help or spiritual advice. I won't tell you to be close friends with someone like that. But I won't also say you should just settle someone who you just pray with and don't have an actual friendship with.
No, right, like actually explore fun things that you can do with such people. And maybe if maybe if you're in the phase of your life where you don't have any of this, right, you're genuinely trusting God for his peace, continue to pray, right? I've been there. I think sometimes I still think about it. I'm like, yeah, God really is good. I've seen him answer those prayers. You can genuinely trust God for good friends, right? You can pray to God, you can talk to him about it. And I genuinely believe that he he will hear you or he hears you and he will answer you, right?
So that's a wrap. Thank you for listening to this episode. If this one meant something to you, I hope it did send it to a friend, right? I hope this episode made you grateful for your friends and I'm good for mine. Or maybe you're thinking of shooting a friendship shots with someone in a case as a stylish. You're like, oh, I was thinking about you when I saw this episode. Like send it to them. I'd let it be something that starts a real conversation. So yeah, bye for now. And as always, stay with it.
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