Camp Stories: Rest

0:09 For some people, this might sound strange. I feel like some other people might actually be able to relate to this. But I like being busy there, I said. It's I like having something to do. I like having a project to work on. I like having a task to complete. I basically like having something to do. It makes me feel more confident about myself, makes me feel more competent, like, OK, I accomplished this task or I was able to get all of this done ahead of the deadline. Things like that. They kind of boost my morale or boost my confidence.

0:48 I just don't like a case where I'm not doing anything. I'm just lazing around. I'm just there, I'm just existing. I'm not getting anything worthwhile or worth talking about done.

1:02 It becomes an issue when we talk about the Christian faith because literally all the work has been done. Christ said it's is finished and so we are supposed to rest in the finished works of Christ. But because I've been wired to think activity equates to intimacy with God, I've always felt like I, I need to, I need to be doing things in order to feel intimated. God, I need to be praying regularly. I need to be studying my Bible regularly. I need to be having robust worship sessions with God regularly.

1:38 And I mean, am I trying to say that, oh, you don't need to have these things to be intimate with God? Not exactly. Just stay with me. But hi, welcome or welcome back. And it's been a while, but welcome back or welcome, if this is your first time, to the Rooted podcast here, Biblical truth is brought to you in a way that is true, that's heartfelt, that is real. I really hope that you're happy being here. If this is your first time, I hope that this is home for you. And if you're a returning member, welcome back.

2:14 We gang, we tight and actually gang, we're like we're brothers and sisters in Christ. You know, let me let me keep it.

2:21 I hope he gets physically I'm happy to be back. And I mentioned I think in the last episode that I oh, I think episode before that, it will be a while before I'll be back because of the camp. I will be the Clarion call. If like anybody who has zoning YSC that time carry on call you to be the Clarion call. I don't know for me raises up a bit of trauma, but that's by the way, but I think I mentioned that, but I also didn't think I would be gone this long. My plan was to come back mid February, but turns out I was much more burnt out than I thought I would be.

2:55 Yeah, I was very, very burnt out. Like from camp it was camp is a lot, camp is a lot, camp is fun. I'm not trying to scare you away. Think a lot of people, I don't know the personal view, but I feel like a lot of people over exaggerated the camp experience. Oh, you're going to suffer, you're going to hell this. And that's I mean, I think 21 days really is long. What are we doing for 21 days, two weeks? Let's wrap it up. But it actually is fun and it's not as far as people make it out to be. It also depends on the kind of people that you meet as well.

3:26 But generally campus fun. But it was also stressful. And it's also put that caveat there. So I'm not just selling a very good experience. Oh, I want to go for an adventure. You standard under the sun, under the rain, it's literally in the NYC anthem, so on that is on or in the rain, but blah, blah, blah. And then the schedule, the schedule, this is actually where I'm going. The whole schedule is kind of designed to just keep you cut off from the outside world in the morning. You already be up before 430 like you get CD Cam.

3:59 I feel like if a lot of you already even done, you know. So like you know this on calm down there daily test by 5 from 5 years standing to maybe 8. From there you're rushing to get food and then go for your side because you want to get a decent seats. From there you're having lectures for God knows how long, like 5 hours. From there they give maybe a 2 hour break and that time maybe you have a meeting outside of that meeting. Again, they call you out. You have drills. You have to March. I don't know what I'm going to use those marching skills to do now, but they just keep on ringing in my head.

4:30 But that's by the way, from marching. You quickly go and get your food. Then I think the one that really aches me the most was the fact that social night was composed. You must come for the social night. I could spend that time doing something else. I could spend it sleeping, but you just have to come for it and for you days you're getting back to your room tired, but you will sleep is even difficult because the rooms are usually hot people everywhere. Maybe you're rushing to fetch water. Point is the schedule is just on and on and on and on and on.

5:00 And so it becomes or it became difficult. Never becomes. It was difficult for me to maintain devotion to God. It was difficult for me to stay in tune with God essentially. I mean, before going for camp, I think I I was in a very good place devotion wise. I was enjoying robust sessions of worship with God. Bible study was going well, prayer as well. I was enjoying my church community. But then I got to camp and everything just started going down the hill and I took some books with me like some Christian books for me as well.

5:32 So my plan was whenever I have free time, read them, but it was just difficult because whenever I had any free time, I probably would just sleep off. Or sometimes I will just be so tired. And it's like to go ahead and do the things that I'm supposed to do, like pray or study the Bible. I didn't find the motivation to do them. So maybe I might even just go ahead and just go and watch a series. Point is, the whole devotion just took a downward slope. Yeah. And all of a sudden I began to get worried.

5:59 I felt so bothered. I'm not praying as much. I'm not studying my Bible as much because even when it's time for me to pray, majority of the place is filled up. You cannot find a place where there is nobody around unless the place is maybe smelling, maybe it's a toilet or something, I don't know. But point is, there are people everywhere, like every single place. So it was difficult. It's a different thing when maybe you want to go to the church, like there's a church where you can go and pray. But if I want a personal time of prayer with God, even at church, it's not exactly a personal setting.

6:29 But in the hostel, when they've looked you guys in your hostel, there are people everywhere. So you can't exactly get the private time. Or even for Bible study, you can't get a quiet place. I don't know why I'm thinking about the movie A Quiet Place. That's by the way, Bo, you can't get a quiet place. Actually, those monsters in the movie, A quiet place, they have a few day with the camp because camp is always buzzing. Somebody's always talking 3000 plus, it's what do you expect. Anyway, I began to feel worried.

6:57 I felt so bored that I felt so bad. Oh, I'm not talking good. I'm not talking my love. I'm not talking the person who I live for, the person who gave my life meaning or who gives my life meaning. I was bad about it, but it wasn't just that. It was this thing where I felt I wasn't meeting up to the standard. I felt like there's a bad I'm supposed to meet and I'm not meeting up to that bad. And so I felt bad. I felt like God was not happy with me. I felt like God was disappointed in me. I felt like God was even angry with me after a while.

7:31 I felt guilty, like it should be better. You should not just be feeding off of. Because usually when we had devotion in the morning, I really took advantage of that. I would sing my heart out during the worship sessions, even though they kept those shorts or out, I would sing my heart out. You know, I'm like, you're not supposed to be feeding off of scraps. You're supposed to be having robust moments, things like that, long experiences and all of that. That was what I thought. And so I, I was walking around with you with every now and then, many kings, when I felt like God is not happy with you in the family, God is angry at you.

8:04 I felt so out of place because I felt disconnected from my church community, things like that. And what is God's response in all of this? Let me tell you. So there was a particular D it was during the sports period, but during that time, we still cannot go to the hostel. Everybody still has to stay at the field. And that's one of the annoying things, even if you're not dealing the you just have to stay at the field. So anyway, that day, this is by the way, but I love pastries. If you give me meat pie, I can pray for you.

8:31 I can pray for some very serious prayers for you. So anyway, there there was a lady that was selling pastries. I'd seen her before, but that time I didn't want to buy, but I had it in mind. So anyway, I was ready. Even though the woman that was selling pastries was not around, I was willing to walk around in the field to find out like, you know, I'm, I'm a man and a mission, you know. So I was walking around searching for the woman and I had passed this place that I passed. Like someone called me back.

8:59 I had passed that place before and I didn't see any reason to go back, but I just felt like, you know, just go again. I was pushed by my desire to get me to buy. Anyway, I passed and then someone calls me. So apparently there's this person who who was from my university who was there and was speaking with somebody like they were just talking. Do we actually doing Bible study? They were doing Bibles. They were standing and just talking about every subscription. And then they called me, spoke about, oh, I know this guy.

9:25 He was my squand. They basically invited me to join the Bible study conversation and I was so happy. I don't know how to explain the joy. I don't know. Throughout the whole camp experience, there were very few times when I felt that happy, that excited, and he's like, maybe for so long your polls have been closed. I don't know. I don't know how to describe is like all of a sudden they are opened. But point is, I felt alive in that moment. Like what doing Bible study, I felt so, so happy to be there and we had Bible study.

10:00 It was so, so awesome. There was no planning to know this. You just call me. Let's talk about the Bible. We're looking at Proverbs. Like I'm not the exact verse Timbo we're talking about. Like I know what vessels, but I don't know the exact numbers. So we just talked about this. We did for long. And from there we ventured into different things, you know, about the church. And I was just so happy. I was reminded that really you cannot do Christensen isolation. You cannot do it on your own. But more than that, I was reminded of Kozlov.

10:31 So here's the thing. One of the books I carried to camp was actually a book that talks about the reading of God. And one of the ways that God needs is I don't know the proper word, but coincidences, right? It's like this seem like coincidences. But when you look back in hindsight, you can tell that this is good at work. So let's look at the Bible for example. So then he was still so he was made a king in firsts. Samuel is going to go and meets prophet Samuel. You know he wants to ask Samuel to help him provide Guyana's where he can find his donkeys.

11:03 I don't know why that would be called asses. I'm not sure, but he's going there. He's thinking I'm just going to go and get directions from this man of God. Whereas God has already told Samuel that the next person who is coming is the person that you are so anoint as the king. So in souls your mind he's thinking this is what's going to happen. But then God is orchestrating something. So in my own mind, I'm like, I just want meat pie. Like I really just want to eat meat pie or any pastry that human had at that point.

11:29 I would take it because I wasn't getting access to a lot of pastries on camp. But God alone is like, OK, you know what? I want to connect you with other believers who are like minded, who you can have a time that glorifies me with like I'm speaking as I was good. I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope he gets it. Oh my God, it was lovely. Glory to God, glory to God. Really. I was so energized by that time of Bible study. I was so, so comforted. And we didn't even stop there. One of the guys that was there actually had a word from God for me.

12:03 He gave me that word and I want, I wanted to cry, but I didn't cry there. I go back to my mind. I was just, I was so feudal as I started talking to her, I was just like, God, you're so good, you're so kind. Throughout the whole time I was there, feeling very bad, feeling very guilty, like God is angry at me. God is not happy with me. I should be doing better things like that. First. I didn't even pause to think, oh, just give yourself grace in a very, very task in environment. I don't think God is oblivious of that.

12:35 I didn't think of that. I was just so eaten up with the whole legalism mindset. Like I felt like if God is going to love me, I have to put in the effort. I've forgotten that He already poured out the fullness of His love on the cross. Like I'll never be more loved than I am right now. And and his love for me is not dependent on whatever it is that I do. I forgot all of these things. I forgot that the God I have is a good, good father is a God that loves me unconditionally. His love is unconventional.

13:06 His love is unconditional. I forgot that. And I thought that his love for me, his care for me, his guidance for me was dependent on my devotion to him or not even devotional because devotion really, first of all, is a posture of the hearts. It's it's your hard pressure to God primarily first of all, so you could pray, but if you don't have the right hand pressure to God, a heart of submission to God, a heart of love for God, then it's not really devotion. So point was, I thought devotion to God was synonymous or I forgot that devotion to God wasn't just the activities, right?

13:39 Activity does not automatically mean intimacy, but also your hard posture. My hard posture then was just one of guilt. I felt like God was annoyed with me. I basically missed the essence of devotion. I missed, more importantly, I forgot who my father was. But he used that event to remind me he's a God that loves me, not because of my actions. Like there I was thinking I was so guilty I was doing so badly. And he goes ahead to orchestrate such a chorus meant for me. God knows I needed a Bible study.

14:11 I was so much strengthened by it. And it wasn't just that's even the word that I received as well. I was just so sure of God's love for me, God's goodness. And I was like, God, you're so good, God, you're so good.

14:25 And really like that's how it is. A lot of times, like generally, it's like we forget a Christ has done the finished works on the cross and I'm supposed to just rest in the work that he has done. All I say rest. I mean, think about the gospel implication. God loves you so much. We have blessed assurance. We know that one day he's coming back for us. No power of the enemy. Just as it says in Romans, nothing can separate us from the love of God. Like this is what actively resting in God looks like.

14:55 Reminding yourself of these things and allowing your hearts to be easy. Rest is more I I think when biblical rests, First things first is centered on God. Coincidentally this week somebody actually talked about that in our church prayers. Biblical rest is focused on God, while human rest is of course focused on yourself. So biblical rest is focused on what? OK, God has done this. And so I can rest easy in my heart. It's, it's majorly a hard thing. It's like I can rest easy in my heart because God has done this.

15:25 I I don't need to feel so heavy, so, so bad that Oh, I'm not missing up to the standard because maybe I didn't pray today or I didn't study my Bible as much. This is not me saying that, Oh, it's OK for you to go a day without praying. No, no, this is by no means me supporting that. I do think that I could have done better. I know it was a tough environment. It was really demand, but I do think I could have done better. But I'm not going to deny that ball, that whole thing where I didn't felt like, Oh, I'm a failure because of that.

15:58 God does not love me. That's just off. That is not who God is. That is not the kind of person he is. And I forgot that. But God in his goodness reminded me the kind of person he is, reminding me who he is, what he stands for, what his attributes are. He is love, as he says in first John 48 and 16. So it was just such a beautiful moment. And basically I just wanted to rest rest. I know it's, it's, it's such a simple thing in concept. Like when we think about the idea of wrestling in God, like by all means, it should be easy, but a lot of a lot of time it is, it is hard.

16:32 It is hard. Like we are wired to always want to do something to gain some sort of validation, to gain some sort of appraisal or something like that. Like literally the whole work environment is like you put in the work, you get a good appraisal score, you put in the efforts in school, you get a good grade. The way of the whole whole world is struck is you put in the effort to get results. But in crisis, like I've already put in the efforts so you can yield results off of my efforts, not off of your own efforts, but off of my efforts.

17:02 And funny enough, it becomes easier that way because after that moment after moment where I had that robust session of Bible study, devotion became easier. I'm not saying that I now automatically had time, but in the moment I had, I could simply just sit down and begin to talk to God. I could worship him without all of that guilt being there. It all just washed off of me and glory to God, it was literally a weight off of my shoulders. And then it brings to mind the verse and I think Matthew 11 or so, where Jesus Christ is like, come on to me, all ye that are heavy laden and carry Lords, and I will give you rest.

17:35 I will give you rest. I was just reminded that really Jesus gives rest when you think of all that He has done. We have rest in him. We have rest in him. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. So yeah, basically rest. I know that there are times when you feel, oh, maybe you should be doing more. There are times when you feel like, oh, you've slacked off and it's necessary to admit it. When those meant come, it's good, it's a good sign. You know, I don't think you're supposed to be oblivious to all of that, but at the same time resting God's goodness.

18:06 So it's a thing where maybe, for example, you've done something wrong. You can approach God in prayer. Maybe you got angry at your mum or you just did something you said something that was unbecoming or or maybe you thought he bastards just go to God without remind, without mind said that look, he loves me. He loved me even before you were even able to love God, even before you were aware that God loved you, he already loved you. So why do you think that now that you're struggling with these things or that there's this contradiction, there's something that happened or there's an event that happened, you don't think, oh, he's now going to look down and you know, no, I'm saying this because I'm someone who has been there.

18:44 Just share the story with you both. God is a good, good father. God is a good, good father. So yeah, next episode I'll still like talk about something camp related as well. It's also going to be another calm story. So yeah, stick around for that. Once again, feels so good to be back doing this. I love you all so much. Please and please if you listen to that too, please say hi. I know there are some of you that listen because I look at the numbers and I'm like, there's some of you that listen and you've noticed it.

19:12 Like I don't know you. I didn't know anything. I didn't listen. Please and please if you can, you can reach out to me. I think there's some previous episodes I've said my ex handle my ID and if you have my contacts as well, like my number, please and please you can reach out to me. Like just let me know that. OK listen and maybe something made sense, please also share this as well. Like I really love that. Like you can give it a rating, you can share this with someone. I really love that as well.

19:37 So bye for now. I tried doing much, I didn't know I was going to talk for this long, but bye for now. I love you so much. Take care of yourself. I pray that God strengthens you as you listen to this. I pray that maybe if there's something that's really heavy on your heart, I pray that God gives you rest and that helps you to run light. I pray that weights fall off your shoulder. I pray that God is glorified in your life. So yeah, yeah. Take care of yourself again. I love you. I don't know, like talking about is just really inspired.

20:06 I think the thing where when you realise God's love for you, it kind of inspires you or pushes you to love others. And I think that's what's happening now. But yeah, bye for now.