Camp Stories: Rest

0:09 For some people, this might sound strange.

0:12 I feel like some other people might actually be able to relate

0:14 to this. But I like being busy there, I

0:20 said. It's I like having something to

0:23 do. I like having a project to work

0:25 on. I like having a task to

0:28 complete. I basically like having

0:30 something to do. It makes me feel more confident

0:33 about myself, makes me feel more competent, like, OK, I

0:36 accomplished this task or I was able to get all of this done

0:43 ahead of the deadline. Things like that.

0:45 They kind of boost my morale or boost my confidence.

0:48 I just don't like a case where I'm not doing anything.

0:51 I'm just lazing around. I'm just there, I'm just

0:55 existing. I'm not getting anything

0:57 worthwhile or worth talking about done.

1:02 It becomes an issue when we talk about the Christian faith

1:05 because literally all the work has been done.

1:09 Christ said it's is finished and so we are supposed to rest in

1:16 the finished works of Christ. But because I've been wired to

1:20 think activity equates to intimacy with God, I've always

1:25 felt like I, I need to, I need to be doing things in order to

1:30 feel intimated. God, I need to be praying

1:32 regularly. I need to be studying my Bible

1:34 regularly. I need to be having robust

1:36 worship sessions with God regularly.

1:38 And I mean, am I trying to say that, oh, you don't need to have

1:41 these things to be intimate with God?

1:45 Not exactly. Just stay with me.

1:47 But hi, welcome or welcome back. And it's been a while, but

1:52 welcome back or welcome, if this is your first time, to the

1:56 Rooted podcast here, Biblical truth is brought to you in a way

2:00 that is true, that's heartfelt, that is real.

2:04 I really hope that you're happy being here.

2:07 If this is your first time, I hope that this is home for you.

2:10 And if you're a returning member, welcome back.

2:14 We gang, we tight and actually gang, we're like we're brothers

2:17 and sisters in Christ. You know, let me let me keep it.

2:21 I hope he gets physically I'm happy to be back.

2:25 And I mentioned I think in the last episode that I oh, I think

2:28 episode before that, it will be a while before I'll be back

2:31 because of the camp. I will be the Clarion call.

2:34 If like anybody who has zoning YSC that time carry on call you

2:38 to be the Clarion call. I don't know for me raises up a

2:41 bit of trauma, but that's by the way, but I think I mentioned

2:45 that, but I also didn't think I would be gone this long.

2:48 My plan was to come back mid February, but turns out I was

2:51 much more burnt out than I thought I would be.

2:55 Yeah, I was very, very burnt out.

2:56 Like from camp it was camp is a lot, camp is a lot, camp is fun.

3:01 I'm not trying to scare you away.

3:03 Think a lot of people, I don't know the personal view, but I

3:06 feel like a lot of people over exaggerated the camp experience.

3:10 Oh, you're going to suffer, you're going to hell this.

3:13 And that's I mean, I think 21 days really is long.

3:16 What are we doing for 21 days, two weeks?

3:19 Let's wrap it up. But it actually is fun and it's

3:22 not as far as people make it out to be.

3:24 It also depends on the kind of people that you meet as well.

3:26 But generally campus fun. But it was also stressful.

3:30 And it's also put that caveat there.

3:32 So I'm not just selling a very good experience.

3:34 Oh, I want to go for an adventure.

3:35 You standard under the sun, under the rain, it's literally

3:39 in the NYC anthem, so on that is on or in the rain, but blah,

3:44 blah, blah. And then the schedule, the

3:47 schedule, this is actually where I'm going.

3:48 The whole schedule is kind of designed to just keep you cut

3:53 off from the outside world in the morning.

3:56 You already be up before 430 like you get CD Cam.

3:59 I feel like if a lot of you already even done, you know.

4:02 So like you know this on calm down there daily test by 5 from

4:05 5 years standing to maybe 8. From there you're rushing to get

4:09 food and then go for your side because you want to get a decent

4:12 seats. From there you're having

4:14 lectures for God knows how long, like 5 hours.

4:17 From there they give maybe a 2 hour break and that time maybe

4:19 you have a meeting outside of that meeting.

4:21 Again, they call you out. You have drills.

4:23 You have to March. I don't know what I'm going to

4:25 use those marching skills to do now, but they just keep on

4:28 ringing in my head. But that's by the way, from

4:31 marching. You quickly go and get your

4:34 food. Then I think the one that really

4:37 aches me the most was the fact that social night was composed.

4:39 You must come for the social night.

4:41 I could spend that time doing something else.

4:43 I could spend it sleeping, but you just have to come for it and

4:47 for you days you're getting back to your room tired, but you will

4:50 sleep is even difficult because the rooms are usually hot people

4:53 everywhere. Maybe you're rushing to fetch

4:55 water. Point is the schedule is just on

4:58 and on and on and on and on. And so it becomes or it became

5:02 difficult. Never becomes.

5:04 It was difficult for me to maintain devotion to God.

5:06 It was difficult for me to stay in tune with God essentially.

5:11 I mean, before going for camp, I think I I was in a very good

5:15 place devotion wise. I was enjoying robust sessions

5:18 of worship with God. Bible study was going well,

5:22 prayer as well. I was enjoying my church

5:24 community. But then I got to camp and

5:27 everything just started going down the hill and I took some

5:29 books with me like some Christian books for me as well.

5:32 So my plan was whenever I have free time, read them, but it was

5:35 just difficult because whenever I had any free time, I probably

5:38 would just sleep off. Or sometimes I will just be so

5:41 tired. And it's like to go ahead and do

5:44 the things that I'm supposed to do, like pray or study the

5:46 Bible. I didn't find the motivation to

5:48 do them. So maybe I might even just go

5:49 ahead and just go and watch a series.

5:52 Point is, the whole devotion just took a downward slope.

5:57 Yeah. And all of a sudden I began to

5:59 get worried. I felt so bothered.

6:01 I'm not praying as much. I'm not studying my Bible as

6:03 much because even when it's time for me to pray, majority of the

6:06 place is filled up. You cannot find a place where

6:09 there is nobody around unless the place is maybe smelling,

6:13 maybe it's a toilet or something, I don't know.

6:14 But point is, there are people everywhere, like every single

6:18 place. So it was difficult.

6:20 It's a different thing when maybe you want to go to the

6:22 church, like there's a church where you can go and pray.

6:24 But if I want a personal time of prayer with God, even at church,

6:27 it's not exactly a personal setting.

6:29 But in the hostel, when they've looked you guys in your hostel,

6:33 there are people everywhere. So you can't exactly get the

6:35 private time. Or even for Bible study, you

6:38 can't get a quiet place. I don't know why I'm thinking

6:40 about the movie A Quiet Place. That's by the way, Bo, you can't

6:44 get a quiet place. Actually, those monsters in the

6:47 movie, A quiet place, they have a few day with the camp because

6:50 camp is always buzzing. Somebody's always talking 3000

6:53 plus, it's what do you expect. Anyway, I began to feel worried.

6:57 I felt so bored that I felt so bad.

7:00 Oh, I'm not talking good. I'm not talking my love.

7:02 I'm not talking the person who I live for, the person who gave my

7:06 life meaning or who gives my life meaning.

7:08 I was bad about it, but it wasn't just that.

7:10 It was this thing where I felt I wasn't meeting up to the

7:13 standard. I felt like there's a bad I'm

7:16 supposed to meet and I'm not meeting up to that bad.

7:19 And so I felt bad. I felt like God was not happy

7:22 with me. I felt like God was disappointed

7:25 in me. I felt like God was even angry

7:29 with me after a while. I felt guilty, like it should be

7:33 better. You should not just be feeding

7:35 off of. Because usually when we had

7:37 devotion in the morning, I really took advantage of that.

7:39 I would sing my heart out during the worship sessions, even

7:42 though they kept those shorts or out, I would sing my heart out.

7:46 You know, I'm like, you're not supposed to be feeding off of

7:48 scraps. You're supposed to be having

7:50 robust moments, things like that, long experiences and all

7:53 of that. That was what I thought.

7:56 And so I, I was walking around with you with every now and

7:59 then, many kings, when I felt like God is not happy with you

8:02 in the family, God is angry at you.

8:04 I felt so out of place because I felt disconnected from my church

8:07 community, things like that. And what is God's response in

8:12 all of this? Let me tell you.

8:14 So there was a particular D it was during the sports period,

8:18 but during that time, we still cannot go to the hostel.

8:19 Everybody still has to stay at the field.

8:21 And that's one of the annoying things, even if you're not

8:23 dealing the you just have to stay at the field.

8:26 So anyway, that day, this is by the way, but I love pastries.

8:29 If you give me meat pie, I can pray for you.

8:31 I can pray for some very serious prayers for you.

8:34 So anyway, there there was a lady that was selling pastries.

8:37 I'd seen her before, but that time I didn't want to buy, but I

8:41 had it in mind. So anyway, I was ready.

8:43 Even though the woman that was selling pastries was not around,

8:45 I was willing to walk around in the field to find out like, you

8:47 know, I'm, I'm a man and a mission, you know.

8:51 So I was walking around searching for the woman and I

8:56 had passed this place that I passed.

8:58 Like someone called me back. I had passed that place before

9:01 and I didn't see any reason to go back, but I just felt like,

9:04 you know, just go again. I was pushed by my desire to get

9:08 me to buy. Anyway, I passed and then

9:10 someone calls me. So apparently there's this

9:12 person who who was from my university who was there and was

9:15 speaking with somebody like they were just talking.

9:16 Do we actually doing Bible study?

9:19 They were doing Bibles. They were standing and just

9:20 talking about every subscription.

9:22 And then they called me, spoke about, oh, I know this guy.

9:25 He was my squand. They basically invited me to

9:27 join the Bible study conversation and I was so happy.

9:31 I don't know how to explain the joy.

9:34 I don't know. Throughout the whole camp

9:37 experience, there were very few times when I felt that happy,

9:41 that excited, and he's like, maybe for so long your polls

9:46 have been closed. I don't know.

9:47 I don't know how to describe is like all of a sudden they are

9:48 opened. But point is, I felt alive in

9:52 that moment. Like what doing Bible study, I

9:55 felt so, so happy to be there and we had Bible study.

10:00 It was so, so awesome. There was no planning to know

10:04 this. You just call me.

10:05 Let's talk about the Bible. We're looking at Proverbs.

10:08 Like I'm not the exact verse Timbo we're talking about.

10:11 Like I know what vessels, but I don't know the exact numbers.

10:15 So we just talked about this. We did for long.

10:17 And from there we ventured into different things, you know,

10:19 about the church. And I was just so happy.

10:22 I was reminded that really you cannot do Christensen isolation.

10:27 You cannot do it on your own. But more than that, I was

10:30 reminded of Kozlov. So here's the thing.

10:32 One of the books I carried to camp was actually a book that

10:34 talks about the reading of God. And one of the ways that God

10:37 needs is I don't know the proper word, but coincidences, right?

10:41 It's like this seem like coincidences.

10:42 But when you look back in hindsight, you can tell that

10:45 this is good at work. So let's look at the Bible for

10:47 example. So then he was still so he was

10:51 made a king in firsts. Samuel is going to go and meets

10:56 prophet Samuel. You know he wants to ask Samuel

10:59 to help him provide Guyana's where he can find his donkeys.

11:03 I don't know why that would be called asses.

11:04 I'm not sure, but he's going there.

11:07 He's thinking I'm just going to go and get directions from this

11:09 man of God. Whereas God has already told

11:12 Samuel that the next person who is coming is the person that you

11:15 are so anoint as the king. So in souls your mind he's

11:18 thinking this is what's going to happen.

11:20 But then God is orchestrating something.

11:21 So in my own mind, I'm like, I just want meat pie.

11:24 Like I really just want to eat meat pie or any pastry that

11:27 human had at that point. I would take it because I wasn't

11:31 getting access to a lot of pastries on camp.

11:33 But God alone is like, OK, you know what?

11:35 I want to connect you with other believers who are like minded,

11:39 who you can have a time that glorifies me with like I'm

11:43 speaking as I was good. I don't know if that makes

11:46 sense, but I hope he gets it. Oh my God, it was lovely.

11:51 Glory to God, glory to God. Really.

11:53 I was so energized by that time of Bible study.

11:56 I was so, so comforted. And we didn't even stop there.

11:59 One of the guys that was there actually had a word from God for

12:03 me. He gave me that word and I want,

12:06 I wanted to cry, but I didn't cry there.

12:08 I go back to my mind. I was just, I was so feudal as I

12:12 started talking to her, I was just like, God, you're so good,

12:14 you're so kind. Throughout the whole time I was

12:17 there, feeling very bad, feeling very guilty, like God is angry

12:21 at me. God is not happy with me.

12:24 I should be doing better things like that.

12:27 First. I didn't even pause to think,

12:28 oh, just give yourself grace in a very, very task in

12:32 environment. I don't think God is oblivious

12:35 of that. I didn't think of that.

12:36 I was just so eaten up with the whole legalism mindset.

12:40 Like I felt like if God is going to love me, I have to put in the

12:44 effort. I've forgotten that He already

12:47 poured out the fullness of His love on the cross.

12:49 Like I'll never be more loved than I am right now.

12:53 And and his love for me is not dependent on whatever it is that

12:56 I do. I forgot all of these things.

12:59 I forgot that the God I have is a good, good father is a God

13:02 that loves me unconditionally. His love is unconventional.

13:06 His love is unconditional. I forgot that.

13:08 And I thought that his love for me, his care for me, his

13:11 guidance for me was dependent on my devotion to him or not even

13:15 devotional because devotion really, first of all, is a

13:19 posture of the hearts. It's it's your hard pressure to

13:22 God primarily first of all, so you could pray, but if you don't

13:25 have the right hand pressure to God, a heart of submission to

13:28 God, a heart of love for God, then it's not really devotion.

13:31 So point was, I thought devotion to God was synonymous or I

13:35 forgot that devotion to God wasn't just the activities,

13:39 right? Activity does not automatically

13:41 mean intimacy, but also your hard posture.

13:44 My hard posture then was just one of guilt.

13:46 I felt like God was annoyed with me.

13:48 I basically missed the essence of devotion.

13:50 I missed, more importantly, I forgot who my father was.

13:56 But he used that event to remind me he's a God that loves me, not

14:00 because of my actions. Like there I was thinking I was

14:02 so guilty I was doing so badly. And he goes ahead to orchestrate

14:06 such a chorus meant for me. God knows I needed a Bible

14:11 study. I was so much strengthened by

14:12 it. And it wasn't just that's even

14:15 the word that I received as well.

14:16 I was just so sure of God's love for me, God's goodness.

14:19 And I was like, God, you're so good, God, you're so good.

14:25 And really like that's how it is.

14:27 A lot of times, like generally, it's like we forget a Christ has

14:32 done the finished works on the cross and I'm supposed to just

14:35 rest in the work that he has done.

14:37 All I say rest. I mean, think about the gospel

14:40 implication. God loves you so much.

14:44 We have blessed assurance. We know that one day he's coming

14:46 back for us. No power of the enemy.

14:49 Just as it says in Romans, nothing can separate us from the

14:52 love of God. Like this is what actively

14:54 resting in God looks like. Reminding yourself of these

14:57 things and allowing your hearts to be easy.

14:59 Rest is more I I think when biblical rests, First things

15:02 first is centered on God. Coincidentally this week

15:05 somebody actually talked about that in our church prayers.

15:09 Biblical rest is focused on God, while human rest is of course

15:13 focused on yourself. So biblical rest is focused on

15:16 what? OK, God has done this.

15:18 And so I can rest easy in my heart.

15:20 It's, it's majorly a hard thing. It's like I can rest easy in my

15:23 heart because God has done this. I I don't need to feel so heavy,

15:27 so, so bad that Oh, I'm not missing up to the standard

15:33 because maybe I didn't pray today or I didn't study my Bible

15:37 as much. This is not me saying that, Oh,

15:39 it's OK for you to go a day without praying.

15:41 No, no, this is by no means me supporting that.

15:45 I do think that I could have done better.

15:47 I know it was a tough environment.

15:49 It was really demand, but I do think I could have done better.

15:52 But I'm not going to deny that ball, that whole thing where I

15:55 didn't felt like, Oh, I'm a failure because of that.

15:58 God does not love me. That's just off.

16:00 That is not who God is. That is not the kind of person

16:03 he is. And I forgot that.

16:05 But God in his goodness reminded me the kind of person he is,

16:10 reminding me who he is, what he stands for, what his attributes

16:13 are. He is love, as he says in first

16:16 John 48 and 16. So it was just such a beautiful

16:19 moment. And basically I just wanted to

16:21 rest rest. I know it's, it's, it's such a

16:24 simple thing in concept. Like when we think about the

16:27 idea of wrestling in God, like by all means, it should be easy,

16:30 but a lot of a lot of time it is, it is hard.

16:32 It is hard. Like we are wired to always want

16:35 to do something to gain some sort of validation, to gain some

16:38 sort of appraisal or something like that.

16:41 Like literally the whole work environment is like you put in

16:43 the work, you get a good appraisal score, you put in the

16:46 efforts in school, you get a good grade.

16:48 The way of the whole whole world is struck is you put in the

16:52 effort to get results. But in crisis, like I've already

16:55 put in the efforts so you can yield results off of my efforts,

16:59 not off of your own efforts, but off of my efforts.

17:02 And funny enough, it becomes easier that way because after

17:05 that moment after moment where I had that robust session of Bible

17:08 study, devotion became easier. I'm not saying that I now

17:11 automatically had time, but in the moment I had, I could simply

17:14 just sit down and begin to talk to God.

17:16 I could worship him without all of that guilt being there.

17:19 It all just washed off of me and glory to God, it was literally a

17:24 weight off of my shoulders. And then it brings to mind the

17:27 verse and I think Matthew 11 or so, where Jesus Christ is like,

17:30 come on to me, all ye that are heavy laden and carry Lords, and

17:34 I will give you rest. I will give you rest.

17:37 I was just reminded that really Jesus gives rest when you think

17:40 of all that He has done. We have rest in him.

17:43 We have rest in him. Nothing can separate us from the

17:46 love of God. So yeah, basically rest.

17:49 I know that there are times when you feel, oh, maybe you should

17:51 be doing more. There are times when you feel

17:52 like, oh, you've slacked off and it's necessary to admit it.

17:56 When those meant come, it's good, it's a good sign.

18:01 You know, I don't think you're supposed to be oblivious to all

18:03 of that, but at the same time resting God's goodness.

18:06 So it's a thing where maybe, for example, you've done something

18:08 wrong. You can approach God in prayer.

18:10 Maybe you got angry at your mum or you just did something you

18:14 said something that was unbecoming or or maybe you

18:17 thought he bastards just go to God without remind, without mind

18:20 said that look, he loves me. He loved me even before you were

18:24 even able to love God, even before you were aware that God

18:27 loved you, he already loved you. So why do you think that now

18:30 that you're struggling with these things or that there's

18:33 this contradiction, there's something that happened or

18:35 there's an event that happened, you don't think, oh, he's now

18:39 going to look down and you know, no, I'm saying this because I'm

18:43 someone who has been there. Just share the story with you

18:45 both. God is a good, good father.

18:48 God is a good, good father. So yeah, next episode I'll still

18:52 like talk about something camp related as well.

18:55 It's also going to be another calm story.

18:57 So yeah, stick around for that. Once again, feels so good to be

19:01 back doing this. I love you all so much.

19:05 Please and please if you listen to that too, please say hi.

19:07 I know there are some of you that listen because I look at

19:09 the numbers and I'm like, there's some of you that listen

19:11 and you've noticed it. Like I don't know you.

19:13 I didn't know anything. I didn't listen.

19:14 Please and please if you can, you can reach out to me.

19:17 I think there's some previous episodes I've said my ex handle

19:20 my ID and if you have my contacts as well, like my

19:23 number, please and please you can reach out to me.

19:25 Like just let me know that. OK listen and maybe something

19:28 made sense, please also share this as well.

19:30 Like I really love that. Like you can give it a rating,

19:33 you can share this with someone. I really love that as well.

19:37 So bye for now. I tried doing much, I didn't

19:39 know I was going to talk for this long, but bye for now.

19:43 I love you so much. Take care of yourself.

19:45 I pray that God strengthens you as you listen to this.

19:49 I pray that maybe if there's something that's really heavy on

19:52 your heart, I pray that God gives you rest and that helps

19:54 you to run light. I pray that weights fall off

19:57 your shoulder. I pray that God is glorified in

19:59 your life. So yeah, yeah.

20:02 Take care of yourself again. I love you.

20:04 I don't know, like talking about is just really inspired.

20:06 I think the thing where when you realise God's love for you, it

20:09 kind of inspires you or pushes you to love others.

20:12 And I think that's what's happening now.

20:13 But yeah, bye for now.